So... the thing is the job, right? All I think of or worry about.

I am good at it... and not. I always fear I am way too lenient. However, the fact that my test scores are always way above average for my "regular" classes makes me think... oh well.

I suck at being mean to eleven year-olds. Those are rough fucking years. And well... eighty percent of my students are classified as "economically disadvantaged"... AKA... a family of four making less than 22,000 a year.

So... yeah. Maybe I need to get certified for high school. I just don't know.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Teaching can be rediculously political, to the point at which the students suffer as a result. Teaching can be downright irritating... and not at all because of the students.

Teaching is not a meritocracy. And that's one of those things that sort of kills it. You can have someone get a perfect evaluation for teaching completely erroneous information in a cute sort of way.

Ala Nitzche... teaching is dead.

I'm waiting for a miracle, I suppose.

I suppose I could do something else. But I genuinely believe I have something to offer in this field... and I don't quite think that they want it.

Even if you've not seen an episode previously, watch tonight if only to get a sense of the ambiance. The show is amazing... perhaps less so if you have not seen the previous two seasons... but tonight should not be a major spoiler if you have not.

WATCH MAD MEN TONIGHT - ON AMC - 9 P.M. Central

That's my Mad Men icon there, made on the AMC website.

My favorite casino in Vegas (I'm going last week in July - first week in August) is BY FAR Mermaids. I just can't explain why, and I've never been able to explain my near obsession with this completely nasty shithole.

While looking at a list from tripadvisor.com of user rating of best things to do in Vegas, it was literally on there as #36. WHAT??? People feel the same way!?! WTF??? out of 500 listings, that shithole was #36. Here is a sampling of some of the Mermaid love (I feel less ashamed):

"The entertainment at Mermaids is phenomenal. I've never seen a live band or anything, but one day I saw some chickenhead singing/slurring Rick Springfield hits while pounding on a poker machine. Another time this chick went apeshit nuts when she thought her boyfriend/pimp stole her bucket of pennies. Yeah, every time I come to Vegas and I don't come to Mermaids, I friggen kick myself."

"This place is grimy as hell, but I loved it. Some guy asked if we wanted to buy cocaine. The cocktail waitress brought me two beers at once because I'm Chinese like her sister in law. I kept winning on the penny slots and the ringing and lights were enough to excite me. Overall, I think those factors are what Vegas is all about - grimy, drunk and fun."

"I played nickel slots with the same $20 for half the afternoon and was plied with enough alcohol to wonder if I might walk out on my own."

"When I first walked into the bathrooms I thought to myself, "Now this is what a mensroom downtown is supposed to look like!"

"I'm torn about this place. The "Mermaid" girls out front are pretty grotesque and I'm still confused as to why management feels they will attract, rather than repel, customers." (note: many are nearly middle aged, somewhat overweight, wear glitter bra tops... they sport "bon jovi" hair and have c-section scars and/or missing teeth)

"I swear the waitresses were competing with each other to get you drunk. I actually had to toss a couple beers because multiple girls were bringing them to me. I liked it!"

"This is where I come to get my Carnival fix. And by Carnival, I'm not talking about Brazilian samba dancers and colorful outfits. I'm talking Carnies (Circus Folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands)."

IN CLOSING, YOU MUST VISIT MERMAIDS IF YOU ARE IN VEGAS. BEST. CASINO. EVER.

I love this streaming channel... like Sesame Street for adults.

http://freetubetv.net/index.php?view=4c3dmbmVhdmU

Thanks!

that first date coffee shop cadence... Talk talk talk... "yes" "oh I know"

Ugh. Sitting around antidote grading papers.

So, I've bought pieces that I can wear to work and elsewhere.

This jacket.


This skirt.


This jacket.


This skirt.


And about four printed poly tops to wear under the jackets, because those things never die.

Also, MAC lipstick in Retro for day and Chili for night.

Now I need shoes! I'll probably get a black wedge and a couple of other accent pairs.

two star... Made me cry as usual... Severely embarrasing. I broke the hell down during the dance macabre show.

About to check out wild moccasins... Adventure.

More later!

I'm bummed because no will will go to the stupid thing with me tonight - both Chris type people punking out. After the other night, I'm definately not going out anywhere alone.

n/t

I'm THINKING of going to the Mink tonight to see a show...

5:30 is apparently my new wake-up time.

I'm feeling cute this morning. That's fine, yeah... but at times like these you just want some sweet man to roll over to and purr for, yes? My dog is staring at me. No purring allowed.

I need to start working out again.

I'm starting to feel a bit overly delightful. I've got an appointment with the doctor next week - he's bound to spoil my fun.

I just thought about a fantastic book. It would require keeping all of the strange artwork that students bestow upon me as tokens of their appreciation. It would sort of be like an issue of "found". I've gotten some odd ones. There's one fantastic one I keep on my desk at home. It's of this surly, thin man wearing a monocle and a top hat with a daisy in it's brim. He's got a handle bar moustache and a thin long beard that curls at the end. The whole thing is very strange and geometric. I love it.

I suppose I'll try to go do something useful now.

I've been a bit "off" in the past few days, going to get that sorted out.

Have you heard about the 40 piece playing sgt. Pepper at discovery green on Saturday? Worth a look, being that it's free.

I feel okay right now, regulated. My thoughts are gentle and uncritical. I'm doing things that would normally seem impossible, like putting together furniture and vaccuuming. Not at all emotional - but not empty, either. There's no sense of urgency about anything, nor is anything weighing me down. No malaise, no fatigue, no crying, no rambling internal diatribes about my inadequacies. I'm going to go out soon, sans liquid accoutrement, and see how that strikes me.

I'm started to feel a clarity, not of purpose, or of past events - but an acceptance of myself as living thing - deserving of freedom and interaction and little elements of comfort and stability I had become literally incapable of integrating into my daily life.

It's a strange thing to have to take something into your body that chemically raises the white flag - a truce between yourself and yourself :-P

I had no realization of how chaotic things had become, internally, until I'd been given something that finally caused everything to snap back into place. It's as if I'd learned to drive on bad shocks, wobbling and dodging in response to the bumpy ride. I'd incoporated these uneasy rides in my definition of "a normal drive". Ordinarily, even the smallest variation in terrain would cause enormously disproportionate reactions from the vehicle - the axels flying opposite the cabin and crashing back together. And now, the new vehicle - safe and smooth, even when I traverse pebbles and dips. Things just feel solid.

How's your piece of the world?

So what's with me? Rockin' teh suburbs all week, playing warcraft allllllll night long.

Here are some fine additions to my dork life.

Shirt:



Bumper stickers:

is that you can totally see the virgin mary on his ribs.

Eat his ass Nostrodamus! Feel the power of the first true prophet - I christen him Scaleybob Dinojones.